Human Emotions
by geekischic
Summary: Love. Anger. Trust. Betrayal. Pain. Can John ever explain to Cameron what exactly human emotions are? Missing scene from Samson and Delilah. John's point of view.


A/N: Okay, this is my first Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles story, so please be kind because I'm new to this

**A/N: Okay, this is my first Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles story, so please be kind because I'm new to this. It's a missing scene from Samson and Delilah, the season premiere. Hopefully I did okay with this, so read and review to let me know if you liked it. :)**

-o0o-

_Thud._

_Thud. _

_Thud._

My footsteps are slow but loud as my heavy boots land on the wooden floor of the living room. Cameron is probably counting to the exact millisecond how far apart they are. But that's just what she does. That's how she thinks. How can she help it though? Her decisions are controlled by that little metal chip in her head. The chip that I will eventually create. So that means that her decisions are made by me. That doesn't help to soothe my thoughts as I continue to restlessly pace the room.

"_Please, John, I'm better now. I ran a test. I' m fixed. I'm perfect. Please." _

I shake my head, trying to forget that whole damn incident at the warehouse. It's too painful to remember everything that happened there. All the things she said. All the words that are my fault.

"_Please, John, I don't want to go. I love you! And you love me! Please, John, please…"_

Damn it! Why does everything she said back there hurt me so much? She isn't human, I know that, but it still doesn't help the pain that pierces me each time that moment replays in my head. Could it be that it's so painful because it's my own damn fault that she even has the ability to blink, let alone stab into me with empty words?

"John?" I try to ignore her. She's the last person, sorry _thing_, that I want to see, let alone talk to, right now. "You haven't spoken for twenty eight minutes and seventeen seconds. Is something wrong?"

Typical Cameron. She has the time down to the second how long it's been since I've last said a word. But what else can be expected of her? She's a machine. "I don't want to talk to you right now Cameron."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see her standing perfectly still and perfectly straight in the doorway, watching me. Her head cocks to the side in interest, adding to the illusion of being human. But, of course, I know better. "You heart rate is 98 beats per minute. That's thirty beats per minute faster that your normal resting heartbeat. You've been pacing the room for close to a half hour. You're obviously anxious. Why?"

I stop pacing, facing the wall as I grit my teeth and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to calm myself. Sometimes she's just so irritating. "You're not going to stop bothering me until you get an answer, aren't you?"

"That is correct."

I sigh exasperatedly, giving in. It will only be more distracting if I keep ignoring her. I turn back around to face her, still keeping a good twenty feet between us. She hasn't moved an inch from her vigil at the doorway. "The truth is that I'm angry with you Cameron."

Her eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, casting a questioning glance back at my carefully controlled expression. "What did I do wrong?"

I roll my eyes at her, something she probably won't understand. Isn't it obvious why I'm angry with her? "Cameron, you betrayed our trust and tried to kill me back at that warehouse. Don't you think I'd be a little angry about that?

"It's understandable."

_Understandable?_ Is that all she can call it. Understandable? "Betraying my trust isn't something that I can just forgive and forget Cameron."

"You reinserted my chip instead of destroying me. Doesn't that say something about your trust in me?"

"It says that Mom and I need you to protect us from Cromartie! It doesn't mean that we trust you!" I pause and take a deep breath. Losing my temper in front of her isn't going to help the situation here. "The things you said and what you did aren't going to be easy for us to forget, Cameron."

"What things did I say to upset you?"

Oh, here we go. She can process heartbeats and stress indicators, but she can't understand how the words she says affect us. That's just what I need right now. "Cameron, don't play dumb. I know you remember the things you said before I removed your chip at the warehouse."

Her head straightens once again and her eyes glaze over, unseeing. Her lips part and suddenly the words that have haunted my thoughts since the warehouse once again fill my ears. "Please, John. I'm better now. I'm fixed. I'm perfect. I don't want to go. I love you John! And you love me! Please!" Within seconds her eyes are focused back on me, expectant as her conversational voice returns. "Correct?"

"Yes. Can you understand why those words are painful to us?"

She takes a second to think, and I can tell she's actually trying to understand this. "No."

Pathetic. That's what this is. For all the intelligence I've built into her, I still can't build empathy into her. But then again, how can human emotions be built into a machine? "Cameron, you told me you loved me. Do you understand what the word love means?

"An intense emotional attachment; a strong affection or attachment to another person, according to the Webster's Dictionary, printed in 2007."

I groan impatiently and bring my hand to my forehead, massaging my temples as I feel a headache beginning. I doubt it will ever be possible to explain human emotions to her, but I know she won't leave me alone unless I try. "It isn't enough to simply know the dictionary definition of the word, Cameron. You can't understand what it means unless you've actually experienced it, which you obviously can't. A machine simply can't comprehend human emotions."

She nods, which is strange. I pretty much just insulted her with the truth, and she's agreeing with me? "I know that John. I have no idea what human emotions feel like, but what I don't understand is why the fact that I said 'I love you' affects you so much."

"To humans, love isn't something you lie about. It's too painful and distracting for us to hear the words 'I love you' and have them be a betrayal from someone they thought they could trust. Why would you even say it when you have no idea what it means?"

"It was needed to complete my mission, which, at the time, was to kill you. By saying 'I love you', I knew that I might be able to regain your trust, for whatever reason, and then have a greater chance of successfully completing my mission."

I grit my teeth once again as I hear these words. These damn machines are too difficult to deal with, and much too blunt with their words to feel comfortable around. Her confession most definitely angers me, mostly because a human would never do something like that. "Cameron, from now on, I don't care if your mission requires it or not. You are never to lie about feeling human emotions to gain progress in your mission again. Do you understand me?"

She nods, though I doubt she'll follow my order. These machines are literally impossible to control with simple orders. "So you promise to never pretend to feel an emotion to gain our trust?"

"I promise."

I look in her empty eyes and try to study her. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, but Cameron obviously doesn't have a soul. And that makes me sad, for some reason. Part of me does wish that she was human, because no matter how angry she makes me, she is still intriguing to me. And I know that that's too dangerous to admit to anyone out loud.

"Good." I turn away from her and leave the room, hundreds of impossible human emotions flowing through me. Emotions that I wish she could somehow understand.

**-End-**


End file.
